Divorce has been a recurring and painful theme in my family. There have been seven divorces among my relatives. I first faced the reality of divorce when my Father called me during a six-week Air Force ROTC camp to tell me that he and my Mother were getting divorced. My Mother would go on to divorce multiple times, and my sister also experienced two divorces. Tragically, I lost both my sister and her 17-year-old daughter, my niece, to suicide within about a year and a half of each other. This instability in my family life has profoundly affected me.
The suicides of my sister and niece were a wake-up call. My niece’s death was a complete surprise, as she always seemed like a happy child. My sister’s situation was a combination of divorce and substance addiction following a car accident. These experiences made me realize the profound connection between divorce and mental health struggles.
My Divorce
My own divorce came after my first two years of dental school. My wife and I didn’t have much at the time, but even dividing the little we had caused significant financial and emotional trauma.
Divorce often leaves people feeling like failures because their relationship didn’t work out. I see this issue as having a huge impact on society—affecting work, therapy, and even daily activities like driving. Relationship issues often boil down to communication problems. I’ve always felt that informed conversations about handling divorce amicably can lead to better outcomes for everyone involved, including children. This approach can positively impact society by fostering healthier relationships post-divorce.
I asked myself how I could contribute to this cause. In my twenty-three years of previously practicing dentistry, the impact of my work was often visible to patients only when it affected their front teeth. In contrast, with divorce, I can help people see a positive outcome from a challenging situation. This is why I became passionate about helping others through their divorces.
I find it ridiculous how much money and effort people spend on contentious divorces without achieving personal satisfaction. The Collaborative Divorce process focuses on maintaining relationships and often leads to a better post-divorce life.
Ultimately, my goal is to break the connection between divorce and suicide, helping families avoid the devastating experiences that mine endured. By providing support and resources, I hope to make a positive difference in the lives of those going through divorce.
